HOW TO DEAL WITH EXTRA-MARITAL ATTRACTION

There are many out there who feel that dealing with extra marital attraction is far beyond their control. This is a false idea and this has been made a convenient excuse that has often destroyed marriages

. Many believed that they can not fight their feelings concerning their strong affection for somebody else, other than their spouse. In as much as we can not control our feelings, but we have power over our will, we can control our will and avoid anything that is not in agreement with our marriage vow. Marriage involves a choice, and the choice we make involves total commitment. As we move on in life other possibilities will definitely arise, an attraction to someone other than our spouse might stir up in our heart. Because we are human, it has to be so. But being humans involve some level of responsibilities, in loyalties and considerations for others. True love must have fidelity at its heart.

No matter how strong your feelings are, the will has power to put your feelings under check, acting in conjunction with the conscience, to choose between what is right and what is wrong. The will can bring the troublesome feeling to the judgment bar of conscience and play back to it the moral imperatives which are inscribed upon it.

The first step to take is to admit to your self that you are being attracted to another person

When we repress emotion that rises within us without first acknowledging that it is there, we allow it to fall back into the subconscious as a powerful force, admitting it rob it much of its power to develop into something more dangerous. You can never begin to deal with any problem emotion until you first admit that it exists. And don’t think that by admitting the emotion is there, you are going to reinforce it, and make it more difficult to handle. It can become a much more problem if you continue to focus on it.

Turn on the tape recorder of your conscience. When you are faced with the challenge of finding another person attracted to you, you turn on the tape recorder of your conscience, our conscience is like a tape recorder that contains the voice of authority figures in our life, these authority figures have some form of control and influence in our lives. It carries the voice of your parents, your school teachers, your spiritual leader and a host of others, but most importantly, it carries the voice of God, God has built into your conscience the ability to right from wrong. When you are troubled by wandering affection, bring your emotion to the judgment bar of your conscience and switch on the tape recorder. Let it speak back to you the voices of those who has spoken to you at one point in your life

Breaking off close association: Breaking any contact with that man or woman you are being attracted to can help solve the issue, this may sound so easy but it is not as easy as it sounds. If that person works in the same office as you do, you will be seeing him or her everyday you are in the office. In this case, if you are determined to be committed to your spouse great effort should be made to break every personal contact with that person, let all your communication be purely official, avoid discussing personal matters, avoid going out together for lunch or for shopping, in fact avoid anything that will make both of you to have anything personal.

Another way to deal with wandering affection is to tell your spouse about your wandering affection, this may sound absurd, but it is power packed, it can easily dissolve any doubt in your spouse mind. Sometimes this might be a difficult thing to do for people whose spouses have no understanding, but even at that you can still present it to your spouse using a loving method that can make your spouse listen to you and offer some useful advice. If your spouse is reasonable, he or she will not react negatively but take it as one of life experiences. By telling your spouse, it can also put some kind of check on you, it helps you to remain focused on your marriage and be committed.

Couples having wandering affection should handle it with great caution for it can lead to marriage infidelity, and the consequence could be disastrous. Don’t allow the temptation to take the better part of you.

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